Daedalus Exposed
(rewrite) Daedalus Exposed in this temple of mercury light we penetrate the inviolate space of blood and bone steel is honed to pry open the pulsing meshwork the secret pith exposed in the ultraviolet...
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Reads more like an autopsy than the embalming of life...errr, I mean flight, I think? But then Daedelus tried to play God too - eh? I've always wanted to be an undertaker, but found the living much...
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J- You're right--too gross. And the form was sucky too. So here's a re-write. Dan
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Poetema, Thanks! I do paint--houses! LOL Or you might say I paint with words? Yeah, yeah--stick to houses! I appreciate your help, and I think your poemometer is right on. That "below" is a square peg...
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Drdan---disciplined and ambitious.with any poem that retells a story, i look for value added. i think i get that here---the OR becomes the modern universe for our aspirants.i also look for how the...
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Fantastic advice, Bernie. Let me process and I will take another swing at this idea. Dan
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I really enjoyed reading this poem and the others I have read here.
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Thanks, SurfPlug. Any observations or opinions you have are appreciated here in the Waters. Dan
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